So we finally hit the beach

I know the process of typing this entry is going to be terribly frustrating because I'm using a 'Turbostar' keyboard, which uniquely features a 'turbo' button where the 'shift' button should be. I'm not entirely sure what particular function this button has, except that sometimes it zips the cursor down the page very quickly, so you have to use the 'delete' button multiple times. It is worth noting at this point that the 'delete' button is also in the wrong place.

But you didn't log on to read banter about the peculiarites of Malaysian keyboards did you? No, I'm sure you all logged on because you are keen to read about what a wonderful time I'm having, especially those of you have just blearily rolled into work on Monday morning. I'm sure you will be glad to be reminded that there are some people who don't have to get up on Monday mornings. If you're still feeling uninspired after reading this, just remember that it is only five more days until the weekend.

I digress.

Steve and I arrived on the island of Penang on Friday afternoon. A tropical paradise it is not, but relatively speaking, it is a breath of fresh air after the intensely bad smell that was Kuala Lumpur. We're going to stay here for a few days, in a guest house on the beach, recharging our batteries after what has been a tiring but rewarding first week in country.

You'll have to forgive me when I lapse into 'war movie' style language like 'in country' and 'kliks'. It somehow seems appropriate to my present circumstance. Well, it works for me anyway.

So, the island of Penang is a few kliks off the north west coast of Malaysia, about 350 kliks from KL, and is full of big nasty high rise hotels and losts of western tourists. It has some good bits too though, as you will discover if you read on...

Because time is short and my keyboard is just slowing me down, I'm going to cut to the chase and type up a few of my journal entries, which will hopefully give you a flavour of my travels thus far.


Tuesday 7th September 7.50am (GMT)
Location: Bay of Bengal (in transit)

Hell is a long haul flight with no window, the whooshing of the air conditioning buzzing in your brain whilst everyone else on the plane sleeps like a baby. Everyone's waking up now. Of course I've been awake all along, going ever so slowly stir crazy. Steve continues to sleep however. I hate him. He mocks me with his easy solomnency. Is that even a word?


Thursday 9th September 11.00am (SE Asian time)
Location: Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia

We met a couple of Yanks at breakfast (who actually were a couple - she was shy and retiring, he brash and a bit overbearing) who got into KL last night. They are two months into a three month tour of SE Asia, going in the opposite direction to us. Perhaps I'm being a bit unfair to him - he was very friendly. I've got this thing about Americans - the loud ones. They seem to traipse around the world as if they own the place. Hmm, again I think I'm generalising. I haven't actually met any yet, although last night I met Elvis and Andre, two African Americans from Brooklyn. Elvis was ultra friendly to the point of being quite intimidating - he must have shaken my hand about five times. Andre was much quieter and had a twinkle in his eye.

At one point Elvis asked me if I was Muslim.
"No," I replied, "Are you?"
"Hell no!" he said, "I'm a CHRISTIAN man!"
I said nothing. At one point I was going to make a derogatory comment about George Bush, as one does in polite conversation these days, but I managed to hold my tongue, which was just as well because he concluded our conversation by chanting, "Bush! Blair! Bush! Blair!" Was he being ironic? I didn't know. I thought it best to say nothing - again. It's usually best to in these kind of situations I find. He was, after all, from Brooklyn - and a rudeboy.

10.50pm (the same day)

What a day! I reckon the last of the jet lag kicked in at around the same time my hangover wore off. We were out of the hostel by 11.30am - straigt into the midday heat. We made for the Petronus Towers, only a 20 minute walk away. We planned to go up to the sky bridge on the 40th floor (you know, the one that Sean and Catherine Zeta dangle from in that movie Entrapment) but it was too late - there were no tickets left for the day.

We were left to wander a little forlornly around the shopping mall at the base of the towers. If Butik Bintang Plaza near our hotel was a form of consumer hell, then this place was on a different plain entirely: a form of consumer hell designed specifically for western tourists. Heaven, I guess, for some people, but a hellish place for me! And for Steve too - he nearly fainted when we unwittingly walked into a shop called 'm u f c'. No points for guessing which global brand this particular shop was pushing.

All this begs the question: why did we hang around? In a word: aircon. It is f*cking hot here. And f*cking smelly too (sorry Mum, Dad). It's so dirty you can actually see the pollution hanging in the air in front of you. From the top of KL Tower it looks like the whole city is shrouded in a sinister, faintly brown mist.

We have to get out of this city!