My Australian family

This post was supposed to get published a few days after I left Oz in December, but it somehow got lost in the madness of getting to Thailand and getting stuck into the buckets.

Now that I'm sober and straight and stuck in the god-forsaken town of Coimbatore in Tamil Nadu with nothing to do for five hours, I thought it would be an appropriate time to reminisce and pay tribute to the people that made Australia a very happy home during my last few months there.



Will was the suprise discovery of 2005. A few years ago we worked for the same company in Bristol. We got along just fine even though our relationship was largely based on a one-way flow of Marlboro Lights from my cigarette packet to Will's bloodstream. Perhaps the reason we never got close during this period was because he was a cigarette-sponging bastard or perhaps it was because I fancied his girlfriend. Who knows? The point is that we both ended up in Sydney at the same time, quickly discovered that we had an uncanny amount in common and spent the ensuing year having loads of fun and many fantastic discussions, sympathising with each other on our disappointing lack of pulling power and sharing loads of cigarettes.

Julia is a very special lady. I think she is the individual who held it all together for me - it was through her that everything that happened during those final fantastic months in Australia was made possible. She's an absolute darling - always up for a party, always ready with a huge smile when you need to see one, always taking photographs of her friends. Her love of her friends is inspiring. Her love of life is inspiring!

Melv is the man who makes Julia possible, although of course he is an individual in his own right... and what an individual! A consumate gentleman, an exemplary host, a fountain of knowledge and a fine wit to boot, his support and generosity never seemed to waver. I'm just glad that I was able to give something back to the man who I like to refer to as "The Wall" because of his solid nature - something special and unique that he can treasure in years to come. No, not a ballad, not a poem, not a self-portrait or a framed photograph of me sporting my signature gap-toothed grin. None of these things - something better. I am very proud to say that I introduced Melv to the hit BBC drama "Spooks". What a wondrous gift indeed.

Ben defies characterisation. It's a mystery to me how it's possible for a man to be so cool, so sexy and so popular... and yet be so down to earth and genuine. How is it possible to be jealous of a man who, despite making girls go weak at the knees, seems to fail to pull as often as I do? How is it feasible not to like a man who will always give you a big hug whenever he sees you, even if the last time was only half an hour ago? How is it viable not to want to spend time with someone who knocks up 9/10 spliffs nine times out of ten? Ben, how is it possible for you to eat so much and not be a fat bastard?

Last but by no means least - little Zoe, the pocket rocket - the only member of my Australian family not featured in the photograph above. Zoe arrived in Sydney only a couple of months before I left, but in that short time she blossomed from a slightly edgy, full-on Londoner who was scared of going into the sea because of the sharks, into a sexy, chilled out beach babe, scared of nothing and up for everything, including joining us in our favourite past-time of jumping off rocks and mucking about in the ocean. Zoe amazed me by reading my entire blog, surely the only person ever to read it from start to finish, a feat which she managed in a single day!

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I met many other lovely people in Sydney but this post would be very long indeed if I wrote in detail about all of them. However, I could not forgive myself if I did not give some of them a mention...

Victoria - the brightest, bubbliest, bustiest bird in Bondi, I wish I'd got to know you better.

Elenor and Jane - shitloads of attitude and two sides of the same coin from different hemispheres of the planet. I could sometimes be quite scared of you.

Vanessa - fellow breakbeat enthusiast. You're lovely and quiet until you get a few drinks inside you, then you're lovely and loud.

Saty - the spliff-monster who cooked an absolutely blinding curry in my honour before I left. Actually, "absolutely blinding curry" doesn't really do it justice, mate - you are an absolute legend.

Laura, Jenny and Sarah - all gorgeous and sexy as all hell, I just never got the chance to tell you.

Pepin - who hosted the best movie night ever and introduced me to the joys of bulbs and watching The Spongebob Squarepants Movie whilst heavily stoned.

Amy - going to life drawing together and witnessing that ginger bloke do that pose is something I will never forget. Thanks for sharing it with me.

Guys, I really don't do you justice with these compliments - there is much more I could say if I had the time and the courage. Sadly, I barely got to know some of you at all before I had to leave. Despite this, I knew that there was so much potential for friendship among you. Thanks for being so lovely!

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There was something about Julia and Melv's circle of friends - and the other friends I made along the way - that simply made me feel at home.

For reasons like this I know I made a huge sacrifice when I left Australia. Every big decision you make in life requires a sacrifice somewhere along the line. I've been saying this a lot since I left. I think the reason I've been saying it so much is to somehow justify the loss I feel because I don't think I've ever made quite such a big sacrifice in my life as I did the day I left Australia.